Pirates vs. Ninjas: The Battle for Your Soul

ok. so lemme break it down for you. everyone in the world falls into one of two catagories. just two. there are no third party options. no cowboys. no astronauts. no gladiators or vikings. everyone is either a pirate or a ninja. when i ask people what catagory they fall under, quite often i get puzzled and questioning responses. all i say is "you're one or the other, which is it? look in your heart."

i'll go ahead and explain the pros and cons of either side. by that i mean i'll explain the pros of being a ninja, and the cons of being a pirate. because as anyone will tell you, ninjas freaking rule.

first of all, pirates are filthy. there's nowhere to shower on a pirate ship. whereas ninjas are well known for wearing clean, pressed ninja suits. all pirates are technically amateurs at pirating, whereas ninjas must complete years of official, diploma-awarding ninja school. pirates use guns, ninjas use jump kicks. pirates use cannons, ninjas use throwing stars. who's more tough? also, pirates are clumsy, albeit good swordfighters. ninjas, being the worlds best swordfighters, rarely have to duel anyone. they just backflip into the room and cut everyone's head off in seconds. my final point is that pirates are all gay. think about it. a whole bunch of dudes, isolated, drinking rum, no women around for months and months.

booya.
eat it, pirates.