a stranger lips

i had gotten off of work in the afternoon and was pacing around waiting for my ride home to be ready. meandering around in front of potbelly minding my own business when i hear the familiar rolling, guttural tones of hopeful-despite-hard-luck joined with imposed familiarity and entitlement--

"hey, dude. can i get a short on that cigg?"

i had my answer ready for him, and not just because i could see him coming. (you can always see them coming. it's something about they way they find your eyes from a yet inaudible distance that their intentions are revealed) but also because my response is canned; delivered to any and all vagabonds that impose themselves upon my prized tobacco--

"sorry, bro. gotta make this pack last. i'm pretty broke."

all the while what i'm REALLY saying, inside my head--

"go fuck yourself. i work my ass off to be able to afford this particular suicidal luxury and i wont have it squandered by some deadbeat piece of shit who hussles around bus stops for 25 cents worth of brown leaf that you are too lazy to earn for yourself and expect others to supply. earn it, lazyass. do a dance for me."

then, when denied for a smoke to call his own, he asked merely for a drag or two off of the cigarette i was currently smoking. i was not ready for this plea as it is an unusual one. i figure because most people, myself included, are reluctant to put their lips onto the same place of the same object that a stranger already is gripping in their teeth. but this particular fellow was not of that particular disposition, no, not particularly so. so with a little less grace than my first response--

"uh...sorry, bro..."

it was at this point that my disenfranchised antagonist shouted--

"YEAH! you ARE sorry, motherfucker."

and with that he sauntered off with all of the angry swagger of a man who had just told-off someone who had denied the return of something that was rightfully his, only to stop a short walk later to accost a couple of smoking elderly women with that familiar tone of hopeful entitlement and the transparent charm of a used car salesman that very much needs a sale. leaving my head spinning and my feet planted, floating between violence and indignation, daydreaming about delivering a cock punch whilst lighting 2 or 3 more cigarettes all at once, but settling only for a short walk to the bus stop where i could fade back into the city with all my other vagrant fellows.

the meaning of life 2.0

a thought descended upon me tonite. out of nowhere. i hadn't been pondering anything philisophical...or anything in general, really.

in the beginning, before the fall. humanity existed for one thing. to love and glorify God in a perfect existance and a flawless world for all of eternity.

now, the reason for our existance is a shade different. before we would have simply been existing. living and loving and frolicing in the feilds. now we are no longer merely existing; we are being groomed. it all started with a desire to be on an equal level with God, and in every way that is what it's still about. the thing that i realized, the thing that rocked my world is this.

He is giving us the opportunity to try to replace Him.
the first analogy i thought of was a boxing match, and i initially didn't like it. but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that's perfect. there's a fight coming. a reckoning, if you will. and all of human existance since the fall has been our training montage.

He's giving us the chance to do our absolute best to replace him so that when fight night does come around, there will be absolutly no question as to who is superior.

Free will and mistakes

this is an incomplete essay i've been working on. i just recently found it in my notebooks and thought id post it here in hopes of some feedback. help me finish writing this B.

Is it in our power to make mistakes? The focus is so often on whether or not we have free will enough to do the things we want. But what i wonder is if we have the power to screw it up. While we're walking down the path that He has laid out for us, can we walk off it?
Free will lends the argument that He sets the goal, and we find the path that leads us there.
I'm making the argument that He sets the path, we make the mistakes, and there is only one goal. Graduation. Oneness with him.

Pirates vs. Ninjas: The Battle for Your Soul

ok. so lemme break it down for you. everyone in the world falls into one of two catagories. just two. there are no third party options. no cowboys. no astronauts. no gladiators or vikings. everyone is either a pirate or a ninja. when i ask people what catagory they fall under, quite often i get puzzled and questioning responses. all i say is "you're one or the other, which is it? look in your heart."

i'll go ahead and explain the pros and cons of either side. by that i mean i'll explain the pros of being a ninja, and the cons of being a pirate. because as anyone will tell you, ninjas freaking rule.

first of all, pirates are filthy. there's nowhere to shower on a pirate ship. whereas ninjas are well known for wearing clean, pressed ninja suits. all pirates are technically amateurs at pirating, whereas ninjas must complete years of official, diploma-awarding ninja school. pirates use guns, ninjas use jump kicks. pirates use cannons, ninjas use throwing stars. who's more tough? also, pirates are clumsy, albeit good swordfighters. ninjas, being the worlds best swordfighters, rarely have to duel anyone. they just backflip into the room and cut everyone's head off in seconds. my final point is that pirates are all gay. think about it. a whole bunch of dudes, isolated, drinking rum, no women around for months and months.

booya.
eat it, pirates.

something my family should know lots about

so i was sitting in art class this morning (TOTALLY paying attention), pondering my neurosis. i've always done my best to identify my poor/strange behaviors and correct/modify them to be more beneficial to myself and those around me. it's the least any of us can do as human beings to try better our actions and thought processes. so i was sitting there thinking about how this is going to be a lifelong process of spotting these personality oddities and shooting them down. that's when it hit me. will this behavior end up the same way everyone says is dangerous about antibiotics. the whole idea that with antibiotic drugs, any survivng bacteria is as a result resistant to that type of drugs. ending with the evolution of a super-bug that drugs dont work on, eventually killing everyone.
would the same thing be acheived by constantly trying to eliminate the strange parts of my brain? would i eventually develop some...thing, that is so far and beyond weird, that it would be life shattering.
would it be better to just settle on and accept a handful of traits (i.e. losing attention when people talk, being cheap with money, whistiling too much at innapropriate times, being afraid of puppies, ect..ect..), and call it a day?

pointless vs. futile

so the other day at work i made the comment to matt about how everything we strive for in this life is futile. wealth, knowledge, connection. all futile in that when we die, none of those things go with us. they all get left behind. and now he makes fun of me by putting on a "mcclain" voice and saying things like "oh. everything is pointless cuz we're gonna die. i shouldn't put effort into anything. blah blah blah."
i keep telling him he missed the point. just because it's futile, doesn't mean there isn't any point in trying. quite on the contrary. i think the fact that as flawed human beings who are destined to fail makes trying all the more beautiful. there's glory in a lost cause.


COMING SOON: i'm going to be writing a blog about the whole ninjas vs. pirates situation.
but i want to wait to do it until i've had a little bit to drink, that way i can be as hurtful as possible towards the pirate side of the line. why? CAUSE NINJAS FREAKIN' RULE!!!

dillema

so i was at work (well, AM at work) and my fellow lackey posed a question to me. here it is.

there are 100 people and you have a choice.
either you can take a 50/50 chance. one way all 100 live. the other way all 100 die.
OR
you can sacrifice 10 people and guarantee the saftey of the remaining 90.
what do you do?

im interested to see what you all think. i personally find it to be an incredibly stratifying (and brilliant) question. it really shows you which side of the line you stand on.